Turkeys are better off in the oven

So I'm sitting at my desk and a TY stuffed turkey is staring at me mocking me with his glass eye. I can only see one eye and I know he's laughing on the inside, with his silly beak turned upwards towards me. He makes me mad at times like these. I'm supposed to be writing and all I can do is stare back at him, and vent my frustration. If he could talk, I know what he'd say. As a projection of my anxieties and insecurities he's my worst enemy at times like these. 'Stretch' - what a stupid name for a stupid turkey.